Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Can Purell be used as lube?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
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And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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