Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize