So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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