hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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