ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
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I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
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I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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