my sisters under your porch take her home
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
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I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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