just come out here and I will go home with you...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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