Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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