so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
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His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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