i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Oh god it's open bar.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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