I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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