you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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