so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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