god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
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We talked him into tasing himself.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
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Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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