I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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