i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize