im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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