I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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