I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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