Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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