Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I FOUND THE LEGS
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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