Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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