I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize