We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
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Someone shattered a urinal.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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