Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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