I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize