yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you will always have a special place in my vag
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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