We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
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When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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