Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize