I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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