I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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