I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize