I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
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Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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