So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
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If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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