Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
no, he came in my armpit
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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