Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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