You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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