Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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