I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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