I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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