shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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