Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize