Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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