the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
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My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
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at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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