On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize