I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize