i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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