Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize