Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize