took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
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The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
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i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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